The cold, hard days of lying on the bathroom floor begging for God to give him back, they just slowly start to change. You don’t miss your baby any less. The ache doesn’t go away, but you start to see the little flecks of new life, just little sparkles of hope here and there reminding you that all is not lost. As long as there is breath in your lungs, they will be with you. And when there isn’t, they will be in your arms again. Some days, that’s all I have, but it’s always enough to bring my heart back to life again.
(Excerpt above from THIS ARTICLE written by another client and dear friend of mine, Angela for the On Coming Alive Project. You can learn more about the mission and manifesto behind the project, here.)
Undoubtedly, in the most heart-wrenching way, I’ve found an indescribable love for my work through the unique stories of my clients. Through the years, I’ve watched several of my clients and friends experience seemingly insurmountable tribulation and then rise from those ashes into a version of themselves, of their lives, that they never fathomed possible. Through my own life, as well, I’ve learned that whether it be through the loss of a child or loved one, or some other form of immense suffering, enduring pain and transforming like a butterfly into a new, wiser version of ourselves is indeed what makes this life both twisted and breathtaking. Nonetheless, I have never lost a close loved one, and moreso, a child–so for that level of pain I cannot attest to even pretend to comprehend.
This is Ben. Several days new, unscathed, and perfect. After enduring the seemingly insurmountable pain of unexpectedly losing their precious baby girl Maddry just a few days after her birth in the Fall of 2014, it’s so beautiful to watch them look lovingly upon their baby boy and honor the memory of their baby girl with the littlest details, all in one big, deep breath. We incorporated pieces of Maddry throughout Ben’s session, and oh my heartstrings…
From the necklace with her thumbprint and the cross that sang “You Are My Sunshine” to her in the NICU, to a picture of her ten little toes among the rest of her family, photographing Amy and Jay’s family affirmed in me to the depths of my soul why I love to document this crazy, beautiful life.
Amy and Jay, thank you for allowing me to document your precious family.